Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Car Talk (Richmond, VA)

I am the not-so-proud owner of the world's ugliest car. Squat, flattened, a misshapen pancake of a car. Hideous beyond compare, it wasn't even baptized with a real car name. It's a Dodge 600.

No designers or engineers in their right or left mind would stand up and take credit for this vehicle. It can only be described as a pimpmobile for old ladies.

"You don't want to be driving that thing," my mechanic-buddy said, shaking his head. "It's not that it's mechanically unsound, it's just that it's hard to look at. I can't see you in it."

Well, yes, he can.

The color? Burgundy gone bilious. The peeling rooftop brings to mind the words "leprosy" and "contagious." You didn't think that I would have bought this new, did you?

Any advantage to owning this eyesore? Well, yes, come to think of it. No one will steal this vehicle, not even to do a drive-by shooting. Too recognizable. Too embarrassing.

As a matter of fact, I'm constantly worried that I'll be ticketed for sharing the road with decent vehicles.

Hair Today... (Richmond, VA)

When I caught sight of myself in a mirror yesterday, I freaked out. My hair was so big that I feared I might be mistaken for a Texan or a NASCAR fanatic or both! (Not that there's anything wrong with that....)

I phoned the woman who cuts my hair to schedule an emergency appointment. Recognizing the panic in my voice, she told me to come right in. When she finally stopped laughing and cutting, I could appreciate that a large weight had been taken off my shoulders and a smaller weight was curling around my ears. With the weight I took off in Mexico, I'm about 12 pounds punier than when I left home in June.

My son's plaintive cry upon seeing me: "What happened to the other half of my Mommy?"